How to be a Butt Head Boss
by Gene Simmons
A boss creates fear, a leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes. A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a leader makes it interesting. – Russell H. Ewing
1. Trust no one. Not your superiors and not your employees. Especially not your employees. They’re probably out to get you anyway.
2. Believe that all of your people are lazy, good-for-nothing slackers. Remind them of that frequently.
3. Get mad and shout a lot. This will reinforce to your “workers” that you mean business.
4. Never grant special favors. Having babies, being sick, taking time off to go to weddings, funerals or 50th anniversaries are just ways to get out of work. Don’t let them get away with it.
5. Try not to make decisions. Decisions will only give your boss a reason to fire you. If a decision is absolutely necessary, try to postpone it as long as possible.
6. Do not tolerate errors. Of any kind or any size. Even the smallest of errors just reinforces the fact that your people are screw-ups. Fire people for minor infractions.
7. Criticize. Never be satisfied with any of your employees’ work products. If they were trying at all, they would be doing better.
8. Refuse to listen to suggestions. Your subordinates are just trying to get you to do something that will get you into trouble. They don’t have the sense god gave a goose anyway. Your way is the right way.
9. Complain to various employees how bad the others are. Try to get them on your side so they’ll group together and force the really worthless people to leave.
10. Change your mind often. About everything – policies, procedures, work assignments. Don’t let your employees become complacent with the way things are.
11. Come into work late and leave early. Take long lunches. Show your people that you’re the boss and can do whatever you want.
12. Prohibit office celebrations and parties. No birthdays, no holiday parties or decorating, no nothing. This is no place to be goofing off. There is work to do.
13. Never praise your people. They’ll just expect more of it. Besides, no one ever does anything that’s worth recognizing anyway.
14. Never tell any of your employees exactly what you do. They’ll use it against you.
15. Refuse to discuss the status of the company with any of your employees. Finances and future plans are none of their business. They need to focus on just their jobs.
16. Do not train your employees. Give them only the minimum information they need to do their jobs. Let them prove themselves by figuring out the details.
17. Definitely do not cross-train your people. That will only cause them to get big-headed about how much they know. Don’t give them a reason to complain about their miserable wages.
18. Give the easy jobs to the employees who always agree with you. They’ve earned it.
19. Give the really cushy jobs to the really “friendly” people – the cutest or best looking ones who aren’t afraid to show just how friendly they are. Being a boss is tough. You deserve your perks.
20. Petty cash is your discretionary lunch money. Enjoy it.
21. Cut company expenses by firing whoever you want. Demand increases in productivity from those remaining. Maybe they will eventually get the idea that they need to get to work.
22. Never show your people that you care about them. It would make you look weak and erode your status as a boss.
23. Display your power. Sit behind a big desk. Make sure all the other chairs in your office are much lower than yours.
24. Never go to employees’ work stations to discuss anything – unless you need to chew them out. You’re much too important to leave your office. Make them come to you.
25. Use meetings to intimidate your employees. Be loud, be forceful, pound the table – show them who’s boss.
26. Do not accept the blame for anything. When your people screw up, it’s completely their fault. Never yours.
27. Take full credit for everything good that happens in your group. None of your employees are smart enough to have done it by themselves.
28. Never, ever make your own coffee. You’re much too important to spend your time doing that.
29. Tell your employees that you’re reading ALL e-mails whether you do or not. Do not permit them to make personal phone calls for any reason. Make sure they know that you are watching their every move. You can’t trust any of them.
30. Never, never, never give any of your people access to the Internet. They’ll just waste their time accessing porn sites …
And Then My Boss Said, Take That Fear And Shove It!
by Richard Vegas
Hey gang; Ok it’s time to create some good habits. You know, like eating a pork barrel full of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream at 3 am in the morning. Nah……that’s not the kind of habit I’m talking about. The only habit that will create is a quick trip to the toilet first thing in the morning. Ok, what then?
To create a personal success system that never fails requires good habits. Without good habits, you will default to bad habits.
I say this all the time….When you go after something don’t come back till you get it. Let me illustrate. In the sales profession, people are taught never ask a prospect for his time. Take it; they’re taught.
Well, if you think about it, then success in anything you’re doing can be boiled down to a scientific formula. Failure can also be boiled down to a formula. Apply the one, avoid the other. Sounds simple, right?
Then why do so darn many people fail when attempting something worthwhile? Why do so many find themselves sucking wind and always ending up the tail instead of the head? Michael Jordan said it best. “I have failed over and over again in my life, and THAT is why I succeed.
Then why do so few people achieve what Michael Jordan has? Fear of failure. No body likes to fail. But failure is only temporary as long as we take another stab at what we’re doing.
You say though……..yea, but I’m the one that’s been stabbed. Ok, so what makes you so special? You think Elvis never failed? You think Henry Ford never failed? What causes failure anyway?
Timidity and Fear! Yuk! I knew you were going to say that.
Yea, that’s right. Let me illustrate. I knew a guy a few years ago that was hard up for a job. He told me someone suggested he sell insurance. Yuk, he said, why don’t I just slit my wrist? But he said, I can’t even get a job driving a garbage truck, so, he did take a job selling insurance.
He said I was scared stiff. He had never sold anything in his life. So, his manager told him, “I’ll give you five names everyday to call on. Just make sure to see these people the very same day. He promised and went home to study his sales material.
Everyday for a week, he made several sales, and then, something interesting happened. His sales manager was in a meeting and could not give him his five names to call on.
He told him to go to the yellow pages and find the names of five owners and call on them. He said that’s what I’ve been doing for the last week. And his sales manager said these words to him. “Success is a matter of mental attitude.” YOUR attitude. And, your entire career will depend on your attitude.
He said I went out there with the same attitude with the names I selected as I had with the names that my sales manager had picked for me.
Then he said I learned an important lesson about timidity and fear. First of all I recognized fear is nature’s way of keeping me from harm, particularly when I don’t know what’s waiting for me.
He learned that fear could be a destructive emotion. So destructive that it could paralyze the biggest of men. Success is achieved by those who try. If there is nothing significant to lose by trying and a lot to gain by trying, by all means, try.
And, the emotion of fear will be neutralized as you begin to try. Not as you sit on your rear eating that pork barrel full of ice cream and wish and hope.
Another illustration from my personal experience. Many of you know I am a recording artist and my passion is music. People all the time think that “some” people are just gifted to sing and perform. If they only knew. When I first started singing, I would go to night clubs that sponsored karaoke or open mic nights and sing.
When I first started, I would sit in my seat hoping the DJ would lose my slip of paper with my name on it so he couldn’t call me up there. Of course, no one else knew this. Ha! After I would sing one song, the back of my neck would be dripping with perspiration after only a 3 minute song. Just from nervousness. I felt like a long tailed cat in a dark room full of rocking chairs.
The more I did this, the less nervousness I had. Then one day, no more perspiration. What neutralized the fear? Action. I learned the emotion of fear was not subject to reason. I reasoned there was no need to be afraid. I mean it was not like I was facing a firing squad; no one was about to shoot me. Or, make ME eat that pork barrel full of ice cream. I had NO reason to be afraid. But, the fear was still there.
So, I learned an important psychological principle. Fear is not subject to reason, but it is subject to action. When your thoughts will not rid you of an undesirable emotion, action will. I found out I could talk to myself till I was wacky, and could not talk away the fear. It just doesn’t work like that. I learned that fear was not conducive to giving my best performance.
So Homer,……… Sing to Win they said!!
In the very highly competitive game of Internet Marketing you play according to the rules, and you must not violate the standards of net-etiquette. To do so, will brand you a scammer, and a spammer, and who knows what else, maybe a jackass.
You become a success at whatever you’re doing in this game by trying, and trying, and keep on trying. Then eventually work is fun, life is worth living, and you begin attracting like a magnet all you desire including money. Money is NOT attracted to negative behavior.